Eight Lunches Excerpt & Request for Feedback

UPDATE: I am not sending out any more versions of THIS draft, but will send out versions of THE NEXT draft… just leave a comment on this other post and I’ll shoot it to you when I’m ready.  THANK YOU so much for helping me get this far!

I just finished editing (second draft) my third book, which is titled Eight Lunches.  You’ll see why it has that title in the excerpt below, which is essentially the intro (or, chapter zero).

Writing a book is easy and hard.  Okay, maybe it’s just hard… writing isn’t hard for me, but when SHARE my books/ideas with people, very smart people, I become vulnerable (an easy target).  But that’s the way it is… and it’s time to become vulnerable… so here goes… if you want to review my draft just leave a comment on this post and I’ll send you the book (I had people contact me directly but it’s going to be easier if you leave a comment). What I’d like is this:

  • an HONEST review – what did you like or not like?
  • SUGGESTIONS?  What needs to be beefed up?  What am I missing?
  • any grammar fixes needed.
  • confidentiality – please don’t share the book with anyone YET.

I’ll share more of my vision for this book in a future post… here’s the excerpt:

EIGHT LUNCHES

“I’m about ready to wrap it up and get a job,” said Paul, clearly dejected.

“Why? I thought things were going pretty good… what’s really going on with your business?” asked Jason. They were at Kneaders, a local sandwich shop, for their almost-monthly lunch. They started these lunches about a year earlier, after they met at a network meeting and realized they lived in the same neighborhood.

Jason’s business was a couple of years older than Paul’s and Paul asked if they could meet regularly to compare notes and share ideas and leads. They both worked out of home offices so they didn’t get the face-to-face socialization they had at their corporate jobs. There’s nothing wrong with a workday without a commute, or unnecessary interruptions by colleagues, or sharing a community fridge, but both agreed that meeting for lunch with someone who has similar business challenges is more than refreshing.

“Considering how well your business is doing, I’m embarrassed to admit where I’m at. I mean seriously, I read your blog and see all the comments and announcements and can’t even imagine having a business as successful as yours.” Paul was desperate to know how to fix his business but it was hard to open up, or ask for help, from Jason.

“Ha, that’s funny,” Jason said with a big grin, “looks can be deceiving!” Everything can be deceiving, he thought – from website traffic to blog posts to buzz about your business.

“I’ve really been thinking about my business and where I’ve come from over the last few years. I actually started writing down some ideas… principles of my success, that have helped make my business what it is today. What if we meet more regularly and talk about these principles and how they apply to your business?”

“Sounds intriguing Jason, but I’m not sure doing what you have done will help my business-our businesses aren’t even in the same industry. You market online, I sell locally. Yours is a web-based product, mine is not technical at all.”

“I realize that, but remember, I’m talking about principles. It shouldn’t matter what industry we’re talking about, or how big your business is, or even who your customers are. I’ve actually been thinking about developing a system for entrepreneurs to help them with their business. I’m not a business coach, and I don’t plan on becoming one, but I love to understand business strategies and systems. Talking about these success principles will allow me to test the ideas in a totally different industry – what do you think?”

“Sounds too good to be true,” said Paul, chuckling as he’s thinking it probably won’t help.

“Maybe it is too good to be true, but I’m game to try it! I’m sure it will help my business too, as I’ll have to critically evaluate my own business and how well I’m doing with these ideas.”

“Okay, I’m sold… what next?” Said Paul, thinking it couldn’t make his business any worse.

“How about we start next Friday? We can have lunch here every Friday from one to three, for the next eight weeks.”

“Perfect. What do I need to prepare for next week?” asked Paul.

“I don’t know – let me figure out what we’ll talk about next week. One thing, though. To make this work I want you to be comfortable sharing stuff you might not have shared with anyone else. I might ask you some tough questions and to make this work you need to be honest with me and yourself. I’ve had to ask the same questions of myself as I’ve grown my own business… agreed?”

Paul didn’t even hesitate. “Not a problem Jason, at this point I’m willing to do what I need to get my business back on track.”

“Cool – see you next Friday,” replied Jason, wondering if he knew what he had just committed to!

And then we jump into the first lunch (aka, chapter 1)!

104 thoughts on “Eight Lunches Excerpt & Request for Feedback”

  1. Cheri Allbritton

    Jason, not to sound like a downer here, but this would never happen in the real world. Yes small business owners network or sometimes work together, but they don’t usually sit down with one another and spill their guts on the table about why their business is ready to fold. Maybe it would have been more believable to me if you had the Paul character having a heart to heart with a favored CSR or vendor and they suggest introducing him to you, er I mean Jason for that hard spill the beans luncheons. I am not a small business owner, but rather manage a small business for a large corporation. Almost as good as owning my own – except with annual budgets and someone else’s capital. Anyway, in my industry I have been on many of the Jason side of those talks with customers over the years. I’m a good listener and resourceful. I have found the failing business owner is usually the last person to ask for help. Embarrassment, discouragement, debt,failure…pride busting. Then add worries about spouse expectations, taking care of the family, etc. Well maybe your scenario works if one of players in story happens to run a business consulting business. Just my opinion.

  2. Julie Walraven | Resume Services

    Cheryl, hate to break your bubble but as a small business owner for over 25 years, I have had many of those conversations with both career industry and non-career industry business owners and even had analysis and feedback from all levels of small business owners and given it back to them.

    I think Jason’s scenario is very believable and almost essential as the loneliness that small business owner face has now met social media and people are talking like never before. The lights are on and people are sharing.

  3. Jason Post author

    thx to everyone who volunteered – I’ve sent out more than 60 drafts to people and have started to get great input already.

    Here are some responses to your comments above:

    @CareerSherpa – while I like people to only give positive, affirming feedback, I need to make this book stronger/better, and so I need the honest stuff more than affirmation 🙂

    @Julie Vetter – I’m working on a screenplay, too, actually! Nothing to do with business… hopefully I’ll have it in draft mode within a year or two 🙂

    @Marlene – you have one of the most creative business names I’ve seen, considering your two businesses which seem to be very different… one name captures them both! Kudos (moflow.com)

    @Debra – regarding lots of helpers… that is true (THANKS TO ALL)… I hope to get at least 100 people to review this before I go to the next level…

    @Norman & Carol Ann – you are the first two to point that out – I hadn’t noticed 🙂

    @Steve – I’ll take you up on your offer to buy me lunch. Glad you’ll be closer to my office… and you really need to get YOUR book going!

    @Fran – thank you – I’ll relook at that with the other feedback that comes my way – this is the first time writing with this style and I’ve found it much harder than it looks…. perhaps I’ll tone some of the description down?

    @heather – Kneaders is that typical cozy deli – great environment, great staff, great food…. and meeting at the park… good point but then I might have to change the title to 8 Lunches Under a Tree :p

    @Glenn – regarding third person… will look at that… again, this is my first wack at this writing style… and this is only the second draft 🙂

    @Cheri – I have had similar conversations to what I have throughout the book with solopreneurs, but agree that this wouldn’t happen with someone in your situation where you have a corporate behind you (confidentiality issues, support team of leadership/board, etc.). I would have never had this type of discussion when I was GM of a software firm but as a solopreneur I’ve had this type of discussion regularly.

  4. Karin H

    @Cheri

    “Well maybe your scenario works if one of players in story happens to run a business consulting business. Just my opinion.”

    I have to agree with Julie here, because of our own experience. We frequently sit down with other business owners – none of them runs a consulting business, but on the other hand it feels like we all run a consulting business during our talks 😉

    It does happen. Often and worthwhile. Learning from each other experiences, brainstorming for and with each other, sharing ideas and tips.

    Karin H

  5. Michele Price

    Jason,

    Brilliant idea to ask for reviews from your loyal audience, good buzz and pr.

    I also appreciate the coaching style format.

    The talking about what was in Paul’s head gives a clearer idea to the reader what you picked up on with Paul’s energy that we as readers would not know unless you communicated it-so that was brilliant as well.

    If you would like a review and an interview when you are ready to launch I am happy to do that for you and have it on my radio show. Also happy to help you promote.

    @ProsperityGal

  7. Marlene Oliveira

    Thanks, Jason, for your kind words. The combination of yoga and communications simply reflected who I am and what I wanted to do with my business. The great name came from a friend: the result of bouncing ideas around about my plans to start a new business.

    FYI – I’m Canadian, so my website is actually http://www.moflow.ca

  9. Mark Walker

    Jason: Interesting…I have a few comments including (a) your writing has the ability to captivate…but, (b) it doesn’t hold me with the personal. I would be happy to discuss this with you some time in the future.

    While I am not a professional writer, I have been paid to “write.” And while I have been involved for many years in a traditional set of vocations…I am seriously looking at writing a screen play (from a historical set of events from WWII). Anyway, let’s visit!

    Thank you for the opportunity.
    Mark

  10. Tim Petru

    I would enjoy reviewing your book. Let me know how to get the manuscript.

    Thanks.

  11. Sabine McElrath

    Hi Jason,
    Having read your previous books, I’d be honored to provide feedback on this one.

    I can empathize with the vulnerability aspect, and I am thrilled you put it out there. I’ve been paid to write too, but it always feels vulnerable letting one’s voice be heard. It is refreshing to hear other successful authors feel the same way.
    Regards,
    Sabine

  14. Pingback: How To Use LinkedIn To Market A Book | I'm On LinkedIn - Now What???

  17. Stefan

    Jason, I’d love to review your book. I am a proofreader and editor by profession, so I think I could do a relatively good job for you.

  20. Tim

    Hi Jason,

    I would be happy to read your book and provide you with feedback.
    Good Selling,
    Tim

  22. Rafael Diaz

    Hi Jason, being business owner for a while, I can give you diferent points of view of what to do and works in any industry. Please send me a copy.

    Good Luck

  24. Brian Miller

    Hello Jason,
    I would love to be one of the Twitter “25 more people” and review your book.
    Brian

  25. Wendy Hickman

    Hi Jason,

    I would love to review your book and critique it for you.

    Kind Regards,
    Wendy

  26. Stuart Draper

    You are on to something and building a great initial following that will tell their friends about you. Perfect example of great use of social media. If still need my help, I’d be glad to put in my 2 cents.

  27. Fred

    Jason,

    I’d love to read and review the book if you are still looking for help.

    -Fred

  28. Becky Hall

    Jason:

    A real response? For you? Of course.

    First, the conversational tone fits in well with current trends (starting back (for me) with “Who Moved My Cheese” (which did it well) and up to “The Myth of Multitasking” (which did not).

    Jason sounds, real, but Paul, who is supposed to be hesitant, is too stilted. There are places where his dialog lacks normal contractions for conversation.

    Concept? Awesome. If you’d like me to review as you go, let me know. I’m sure I could use the advice, as my business is probably in a similar rut to Paul’s!

  32. Pingback: JibberJobber: 4 Years Later | JibberJobber Blog

  35. Jim Holt

    Would be happy to review your book.

    5 years into business ownership and have not looked back. A week after I quit my day job 5,000 people were laid off.

  38. Pingback: Jason Alba (al – buh)» Blog Archive » Gmail Team: Please Fix This

  42. Susan Guarneri

    Hi Jason – I’m always happy to review your book drafts. The creativity expressed in your books (and DVDs) is a joy! Send the review copy along…Hugs, Susan

  44. Sandor

    Hi Jason,

    From the perspective of prepping to launch my first business (and thus reading all the entrepreneurial-based books I can), I’d be happy to review and give my thoughts on it.

  45. Luke Graham

    From the intro above, it looks like I’m your target audience. I’ve read several books in this category and would like to read yours and give feedback. Luke

  46. Gwyn Nichols

    Hi, Jason,

    You probably have some brilliant ideas to share. At least you’re smart enough to ask for reader responses before you publish, and that’s a good sign. The last time I was an employee, I was test-marketing books, so I know what a difference that can make.

    And I trust you genuinely want to know everything you can, on your way to creating the best book possible, so I’ll tell it to you straight.

    My first response: Groan. You wouldn’t be the first to bury the intention of a profound message somewhere under tediously boring dialogue, but I always want to send the author an invoice; reading them requires way too much mental editing.

    I find this genre itself doubly problematic: you have to offer that profound message AND write passable fictional dialogue. Most talented novelists would never attempt it. Have you ever noticed that in the movies, people hang up phones without ever saying goodbye? They cut the real-life boring stuff. You did start with a good line, but then got bogged down with description that doesn’t matter.

    And you are the Jason? That’s really awkward. Did some English teacher forbid you to use “I”? I’ll bet the whole book would be better if you just told us what you know and how you learned it, and shared some stories along the way–the way you’d share it in a speech, not in a play.

    Dialogue makes a great seasoning, but unless you’re a playwright, you only need a touch of it here and there.

    On another note, if you want your book widely distributed, then you’re going to need a book distributor and most likely a regular publisher. That’s a whole other area for a lot of homework.

    Congratulations on having the courage to ask. It’s always better for one to hear the news up front–before spending a life’s savings on a garage filled with books. Best wishes.

  47. Karin H

    “On another note, if you want your book widely distributed, then you’re going to need a book distributor and most likely a regular publisher.

    That’s a whole other area for a lot of homework. ”

    LoL – now who needs to do a bit more of homework themselves?
    Jason Alba = already more than one book behind his name (and selling quite well too) 😉
    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&sort=relevancerank&search-alias=books&field-author=Jason%20Alba

    Karin H

Comments are closed.