Eight Lunches Excerpt & Request for Feedback

UPDATE: I am not sending out any more versions of THIS draft, but will send out versions of THE NEXT draft… just leave a comment on this other post and I’ll shoot it to you when I’m ready.  THANK YOU so much for helping me get this far!

I just finished editing (second draft) my third book, which is titled Eight Lunches.  You’ll see why it has that title in the excerpt below, which is essentially the intro (or, chapter zero).

Writing a book is easy and hard.  Okay, maybe it’s just hard… writing isn’t hard for me, but when SHARE my books/ideas with people, very smart people, I become vulnerable (an easy target).  But that’s the way it is… and it’s time to become vulnerable… so here goes… if you want to review my draft just leave a comment on this post and I’ll send you the book (I had people contact me directly but it’s going to be easier if you leave a comment). What I’d like is this:

  • an HONEST review – what did you like or not like?
  • SUGGESTIONS?  What needs to be beefed up?  What am I missing?
  • any grammar fixes needed.
  • confidentiality – please don’t share the book with anyone YET.

I’ll share more of my vision for this book in a future post… here’s the excerpt:

EIGHT LUNCHES

“I’m about ready to wrap it up and get a job,” said Paul, clearly dejected.

“Why? I thought things were going pretty good… what’s really going on with your business?” asked Jason. They were at Kneaders, a local sandwich shop, for their almost-monthly lunch. They started these lunches about a year earlier, after they met at a network meeting and realized they lived in the same neighborhood.

Jason’s business was a couple of years older than Paul’s and Paul asked if they could meet regularly to compare notes and share ideas and leads. They both worked out of home offices so they didn’t get the face-to-face socialization they had at their corporate jobs. There’s nothing wrong with a workday without a commute, or unnecessary interruptions by colleagues, or sharing a community fridge, but both agreed that meeting for lunch with someone who has similar business challenges is more than refreshing.

“Considering how well your business is doing, I’m embarrassed to admit where I’m at. I mean seriously, I read your blog and see all the comments and announcements and can’t even imagine having a business as successful as yours.” Paul was desperate to know how to fix his business but it was hard to open up, or ask for help, from Jason.

“Ha, that’s funny,” Jason said with a big grin, “looks can be deceiving!” Everything can be deceiving, he thought – from website traffic to blog posts to buzz about your business.

“I’ve really been thinking about my business and where I’ve come from over the last few years. I actually started writing down some ideas… principles of my success, that have helped make my business what it is today. What if we meet more regularly and talk about these principles and how they apply to your business?”

“Sounds intriguing Jason, but I’m not sure doing what you have done will help my business-our businesses aren’t even in the same industry. You market online, I sell locally. Yours is a web-based product, mine is not technical at all.”

“I realize that, but remember, I’m talking about principles. It shouldn’t matter what industry we’re talking about, or how big your business is, or even who your customers are. I’ve actually been thinking about developing a system for entrepreneurs to help them with their business. I’m not a business coach, and I don’t plan on becoming one, but I love to understand business strategies and systems. Talking about these success principles will allow me to test the ideas in a totally different industry – what do you think?”

“Sounds too good to be true,” said Paul, chuckling as he’s thinking it probably won’t help.

“Maybe it is too good to be true, but I’m game to try it! I’m sure it will help my business too, as I’ll have to critically evaluate my own business and how well I’m doing with these ideas.”

“Okay, I’m sold… what next?” Said Paul, thinking it couldn’t make his business any worse.

“How about we start next Friday? We can have lunch here every Friday from one to three, for the next eight weeks.”

“Perfect. What do I need to prepare for next week?” asked Paul.

“I don’t know – let me figure out what we’ll talk about next week. One thing, though. To make this work I want you to be comfortable sharing stuff you might not have shared with anyone else. I might ask you some tough questions and to make this work you need to be honest with me and yourself. I’ve had to ask the same questions of myself as I’ve grown my own business… agreed?”

Paul didn’t even hesitate. “Not a problem Jason, at this point I’m willing to do what I need to get my business back on track.”

“Cool – see you next Friday,” replied Jason, wondering if he knew what he had just committed to!

And then we jump into the first lunch (aka, chapter 1)!

104 thoughts on “Eight Lunches Excerpt & Request for Feedback”

  1. Kiley

    Hey Jason. I would be happy to review for you if you need another set of eyes. Sounds like an intriguing idea.

  2. career sherpa

    Jason:
    I am on the verge of starting my own solo-preneurship and I think I would make a good guinea pig, I mean editor.

    I only provide honest feedback. I was hardwired that way.

    Congrats on #3

  3. Queen Schmooze (aka Mischa)

    Hi Jason,

    I too would be happy to review your book. As an editor and communicator, I am always looking at writings and seeing the value in them. It would be my honour to help you on this project (and get inside your head a bit).

    Way to go on book three. I am impressed. 🙂

  7. Julie Vetter

    Hi Jason, I am a friend of Bernadette’s and have your first book. I used to do story analysis for screenplays and books. Would enjoy giving supportive and hopefully helpful feedback if you like.

  12. Marlene Oliveira

    Hi Jason,

    I’d be interested. I launched my communications/yoga business two years ago. For the last year, I’ve had this sort of peer-mentoring situation set up with a close friend and former colleague, though I wish we were as structured as once a week. I’m all about business planning and solid strategies for success, though!

  13. Lori Oviatt

    Would be more than happy to review and provide feedback. I work with leaders at MS daily and could add that perspective. Thank you for taking the time to write books that teach!

  14. Ellie

    Hi, Jason. I read your book, “I’m on LinkedIn, Now What?” It’s recommended on my profile. I should send it to you to autograph!!

    How about someone who has worked with more than five? How about a perspective from staff? If this works for you, I’d be happy to review the book, and do a little viral marketing for you via LinkedIn, twitter, and FB.

    Cheers – Ellie

  20. Jennifer Bowen

    Jason,

    As a fellow career industry business owner and aspiring writer. I would love to review a copy of your book. I look forward to hearing from you.

  22. debra Feldman

    Hi Jason,

    Looks like you are getting lots of eager helpers. Of course, I would be delighted to be included. Are you familiar with Jeffrey Fox’s book, HOW TO GET TO THE TOP: Business Lessons Learned at the Dinner Table? Might be helpful to get a copy.

  24. Barry Doctor

    Jason,
    Read the first book, heard you speak. Would be happy to review this book – sounds interesting. Thanks!

  25. Terry Marler

    Jason – I would love to review your book. I seriously looked at the business coach industry for a period of time. It would be great to compare notes.

  26. Norman H. Adriano

    Hi Jason,

    Looks interesting. I would gladly read through the draft and provide you feedback.

    For starters, there’s something wrong within this sentence:

    ““Considering how well your business is doing, I’m embarrassing to admit where I’m at.”

    I’m sure you’ve seen it already 🙂

    Norman

  27. Carol Ann Stott

    I would love to review it. I hope you don’t mind my mentioning there is a typo in the fourth paragraph of the excerpt. Embarrassed instead of embarrasing would be what you meant.

    I am a 68 year old entreprenuer launching a new career.

  28. Toby Nathan

    Hi Jason…I did read your first book and loved it. I mention it in many of my presentations. I would be happy to be a book reviewer as well. Please let me know.

    Thank you…Toby Nathan

  31. Karin H

    If you still got one left I would be more than happy to review it for you Jason.

    Know how it feels when you come to the (first) end of writing 😉

    Karin H (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

  32. Francois Denommee

    I’d be more than happy to review your book and provide feedback from Quebec.

  33. Louise Holmes

    I’ll happily review your book – I love editing. And I love your premise…have been living many similar conversations over lunches, breakfasts, morning dog walk mini-conferences, “let’s meet for coffee” meetings, and meeting while supporting the local wine bar.

  34. Steve Spencer

    Jason,

    I’m game. I’d love to read it. I’m also going to be moving our offices over into Riverton area in a few months, so speaking of lunches… 🙂

  35. Jean Cummings

    I’m interested in reading your draft and giving feedback, Jason. I wish I’d thought of this review method when I was ready to publish my eBook. Jean

  37. Fran Simon

    Jason,

    First of all, I am a huge fan! Now on to my comments about the excerpt:

    Great opening:
    I love the way you have set up the structure of the book. It’s a very personal and engaging way to set the stage. Structuring the book like coaching sessions is a stroke of genuis. I really need this book and know many small businesses will benefit from wisdom presented through this approach. Well done. I am really eager to read it now that I have read the excerpt.

    More critical feedback:
    I think there might be a little too much detail about the setting, which is distracting for me. I’d also say that the way the dialog is presented makes it feel like a script. Is there some way for you to make it seem more natural? It was a little confusing that you wrote in the 3rd person, but commented about what was going on inside Paul’s head.

    Those are my initial thoughts. When do you expect to publish the book? I am looking forward to reading it.

    Fran Simon
    Engagement Strategies
    http://www.ESbyFS.com

  41. Heather Gardner

    Two comments for you:

    1. What kind of deli is Kneaders? Must be good if you’re eating there so often!

    2. Paul could save some $ if you guys packed a lunch and met at the park 😉

    Seriously, LOVE the concept and look forward to reading more. Paul’s story sounds all too familiar. I wonder if having a different approach brings his biz success, after all the definition of insanity is…..

  43. Lyne Tumlinson

    Jason, I look forward to reading it! I am an entrepreneur and expect to pick up a coaching client who is an entrepreneur, so this is perfect timing.

  44. Ted Kendall

    I am intrigued by just this introduction and would probably read further. I have lunched with friends who also run their own businesses and find I always come away with some new thoughts on how to be more successful, so this touched a resonant chord for me. It seems like a little more entertaining way to share best practices than might otherwise be done.

  45. Aaron Fergusson

    Sounds interesting, I’d be happy to take a look and give you a review.

  46. Wayne

    Structure looks good and written in a way to communicate with different types of people… I look forward to reviewing the book.

  49. Glenn Gordon

    I would be happy to review your book. I read a lot of mentoring type books and, while I don’t implement all their ideas, I find that I get something out of each of them for me, if not my entrepreneurial activities.

    I did find the intro dialogue a bit “clunky”. I agree with the comment above about writing in the third person seeming odd, but I’m happy to reserve judgement until I read the whole manuscript.

  50. Marcia Warner

    Hi Jason, Your new book sounds great. I’d love to check it out. I will be at NSA meeting this month. If you are there, I will talk to you there.

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